I haven’t forgotten about you, I just haven’t been posting. It’s no secret that I suffer with depression. It’s been pretty bad for the last couple of years. I pull out of it for a little while, then I lose myself again. I’m surviving, but I’m not living… I need help. So, I spoke with someone at our insurance company who told me that I could go back to “seeing” my old therapist from Colorado, but I’d have to get a referral from my primary care manager specifically for her. I contacted my old therapist to see if she would be up to it, she was. It took a month to get the paperwork situated and FINALLY get the referral, only for my therapist to pull a disappearing act. She wouldn’t return the calls from the insurance company, she wouldn’t return my calls or texts. Just poof, gone. So I am in the exact same boat I was in before I started the process, only a bit worse. Nothing like feeling rejected by the one person who you trusted to help you. Now I have to decide if I am willing to start over with someone new, which is scary for me because I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with therapy, or if I will continue trying to fight my way through this battle alone.
In the mist of all of this internal anguish I have put down the one thing that brings me the slightest bit of happiness: my camera. I don’t think I’ve really been out to photograph anything for a while. When I have the freedom and the will to go out, the weather is crappy and I can’t. Yesterday was no exception. The weather wasn’t bad, felt nice actually. It was just so overcast that we were getting very little sun. I don’t like going out on gray days because of the amount of editing necessary sometimes to get all the gray out of the photos. They just come out hazy and I hate haze. That being said, I went anyway. I need to start changing patterns and getting out of my own way.
The first two places I tried to find were in Annapolis (since I was in the area) however I couldn’t find them to save my life. So I came back home and went to Kinder Park Farm. I like to walk there, see the animals, clear my head (and catch Pokemon). I wandered off through the private area where people grow their own personal gardens and I ran across this.
Someone painted a Sunscape on the gate to their garden. It made me smile, so I am sharing it with you. I’ll try to make more of an effort to get out and get new shots for you, so that I won’t have an excuse to be away so long. I have been using my lack of new photos as an excuse to not post, even though I have plenty, and I do mean plenty, of unshared shots archived. I’ll try to do better. I want to start new in May, give myself some time to get material that I’m happy with, and try to be more accountable to this site. I don’t know when my little slice of the blogosphere fell out of my comfort zone, because I love being able to share my photography here, but it has and I need to fix that.
Anyway, I’ll be posting again soon. Hopefully you haven’t given up on me yet.