Missing | Sunshine

I haven’t forgotten about you, I just haven’t been posting.  It’s no secret that I suffer with depression.  It’s been pretty bad for the last couple of years.  I pull out of it for a little while, then I lose myself again.  I’m surviving, but I’m not living… I need help.  So, I spoke with someone at our insurance company who told me that I could go back to “seeing” my old therapist from Colorado, but I’d have to get a referral from my primary care manager specifically for her.  I contacted my old therapist to see if she would be up to it, she was.  It took a month to get the paperwork situated and FINALLY get the referral, only for my therapist to pull a disappearing act.  She wouldn’t return the calls from the insurance company, she wouldn’t return my calls or texts.  Just poof, gone.  So I am in the exact same boat I was in before I started the process, only a bit worse.  Nothing like feeling rejected by the one person who you trusted to help you.  Now I have to decide if I am willing to start over with someone new, which is scary for me because I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with therapy, or if I will continue trying to fight my way through this battle alone.

In the mist of all of this internal anguish I have put down the one thing that brings me the slightest bit of happiness: my camera.  I don’t think I’ve really been out to photograph anything for a while.  When I have the freedom and the will to go out, the weather is crappy and I can’t.  Yesterday was no exception.  The weather wasn’t bad, felt nice actually. It was just so overcast that we were getting very little sun.  I don’t like going out on gray days because of the amount of editing necessary sometimes to get all the gray out of the photos.  They just come out hazy and I hate haze.  That being said, I went anyway.  I need to start changing patterns and getting out of my own way.

The first two places I tried to find were in Annapolis (since I was in the area) however I couldn’t find them to save my life.  So I came back home and went to Kinder Park Farm.  I like to walk there, see the animals, clear my head (and catch Pokemon).  I wandered off through the private area where people grow their own personal gardens and I ran across this.

Someone painted a Sunscape on the gate to their garden.  It made me smile, so I am sharing it with you.  I’ll try to make more of an effort to get out and get new shots for you, so that I won’t have an excuse to be away so long.  I have been using my lack of new photos as an excuse to not post, even though I have plenty, and I do mean plenty, of unshared shots archived.  I’ll try to do better.  I want to start new in May, give myself some time to get material that I’m happy with, and try to be more accountable to this site.  I don’t know when my little slice of the blogosphere fell out of my comfort zone, because I love being able to share my photography here, but it has and I need to fix that.

Anyway, I’ll be posting again soon.  Hopefully you haven’t given up on me yet.

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I'm a Mother, a Military Wife, a Student, a Blogger, and an Amateur Photographer. I may wear many hats, but deep down I'm still me. If you need to contact me do so at: SunshinesSnapshot@gmail.com

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