For all of the people who I have known over the years, the person who has changed the most was me.
For as long as I could remember, I was a resentful, spiteful, hateful person. Normally I’d just say I was an angry child, but that doesn’t quite sum it up. Neither of my parents were adult enough to raise me, so I ended up with my Grandmother. She was an equally hateful woman who wanted me less than my parents did. For the longest time I felt like she stole my childhood. She got sick when I was 10. My father nor my uncle, were willing to take care of her, or me for that matter. I was stuck there with her until my uncle finally showed up, when I was 20. He showed up in the middle of the night. Packed up half the house, my grandmother, and left me behind. No warning, no explanation, nothing. Then my life, slowly began to change.
Within a couple of months I met my husband. I got a job at the jail, which I loved. I got my own place. I was still angry, but I was starting to feel a little less angry. Now I have my son, who is the most awesome 16 year old you’d ever want to meet. I’ve been with my husband through a lot of life altering events, spanned over 18 years and I’ve made it out the other side a much better person.
I am no longer angry. I still have a temper, but I am finally not mad at everything and everyone all of the time. I no longer carry the burden of my childhood and my bad decisions. I no longer feel like I deserve to be hurt, abused and mistreated because of who I used to be. I have finally forgiven myself. Now, my goal in life is no longer just to be content. My goal is to be happy. I got a taste of true happiness a few years ago, I liked it. I went back to school, something I never thought I’d do, and I am reaching toward my happiness. I am a work in progress, and the change is good.